FROM ‘I CAN’T BREATHE’ to  ‘LET US BREATH’

I feel I should write. I am unable to reflect on my urge to write.  But it is has gotten intense. I implore your patience and urge you to read this.

I believe that if I tell my stories and share my experiences in life, I may contribute, my little drop of love, towards a more humane world. 

Why do I feel that I  can not breathe if I do not tell others what I think?  Searching for an answer to this, I go back in time and see my mother, who died 67 years back. Strange, but it is true.  The year was 1952, two years before her death.  She was thirty-two years old. I was six. She is the one who sowed the seeds of my pain I am suffering now, causing my feeling of suffocation.  As far as my memory goes, my urge to cry out “I want to breath” along with millions around the world, in the streets of Minnesota, New York, Houston, and all cities and every town of America, Europe and other parts of the world has roots in that incident in 1952.

How it started

When I was just six years old, I  was severely beaten up by my mother. About half a dozen mothers from neighboring houses joined her, each beating her child as if they were in a symphony orchestra competition.  It lasted for about ten minutes. In the end, we were all asked to line up. The eldest among us was Kurian, who was ten years. He was the first in line and stood like the first accused. He was the one who made small balls of fine dirt wrapped in banana leaves. Each of us was to carry two wraps on our heads and walk behind him, calling out “Swamiyee…….. Saranam Ayyappoo” imitating the group of pilgrims that walked through the three feet wide ‘street’ in front of our homes on their way to Sabarimala. Boban called out “Swamiyeeeyi…. “We all responded at the top of our voices, “Saranam  Ayyappooo.”

There was no “Bhakthi” in our “shouts.” We all did it laughing aloud. Our families were  Hindus and Christians. There were no Muslims in the neighborhood.  There were Nairs and Ezhavas, Syrian Christians, and Pulayas.  Because of the strong influence of the teachings of India’s social and political leaders like Gandhi, Nehru, etc., and our parents being strong supporters of them, caste discrimination was rapidly getting washed off in our neighborhood. Plus, there were some active political workers in our families teaching the community, that talking and acting based on caste are to be considered a below standard act.

Our mothers told us that we failed to respect religious pilgrims. The pilgrimage to Sabarimala was a very holy act. Anyone should do it with devotion, like the pilgrims going to Sabarimala after forty days fast.  The pilgrims were all elders. We should respect them as our parents. God’s name should not be made a subject for Children’s play. We were declared guilty on all counts and released after taking an oath not to make such mistakes. Kurian took a final beat from his mother as he initiated and led our unholy act.

Then the mother’s nursed the bruises on our legs. I had blood coming out at one spot. Tears rolled down my mother’s eyes.  I told her it is not hurting. Yet she said any mother would hurt when her child bleeds, hugged me, and asked me not to do bad things in life.

Having seen my mother weeping on seeing a bruise, I can understand a mother’s agony and suffering  when she hears her son cry, “I can not breathe!”

As I grew up, I realized how precious a lesson I have learned from my mother. I can understand others; I can empathize.

I consider myself lucky to have grown up in this remote village in Kerala, India,  under the care of parents, especially mothers like those we just met. No one cared about what religion or caste the other belonged. Each person prayed to God he or she believed in, practiced his religion, and respected others’ faith. After the incidents, we would stop playing and stand in reverence when hearing pilgrims marching through the streets. An Utsav in the local temple was Utsav for the whole village. When an annual procession of a church passes through the road, Hindu families would light lamps at their gates and stand silently until the procession passed.  A daily worker who comes home for work, wearing a  Rudraksha mala as a sign of fasting before his pilgrimage to Sabari mala, was addressed as Swami. He was not to be called by his name.  His caste was no concern for others. He was a Godly man. 

Sunrises and sunsets did not happen in my village without being accompanied by ‘namajapams’ from Hindu homes and’ our father in the heavens’ prayers from Christian homes. Cows, sheep, dogs, and cats kept their silence during their masters’ conversation with God. It was like ‘God’s kingdom come’ in our village.

What a pleasant life it was! That was a time when we all could breathe, individually and collectively. The relief of the yoke of colonialism removed filled the air we breathed with freedom and hope for the future. The shame of the caste system, untouchability, and religious intolerance were getting flushed out from the minds of people. It was like wearing freshly cleaned garments after throwing out the soiled. 

A sense of national pride and ‘We Indians’ prevailed.  Patriotism and national pride enriched the blood of everyone. It was unattached to the religion or caste to which he was born and brought up.

As I completed High School and moved out to college hostel,  I started to witness discrimination. 

In the hostel, I had two roommates. One was from the state of J&K State. This was a reserved seat for J&K residents.  My other roommate was a “low caste” Dalit. Thanks to reservation for SC/ST, his tuition and hostel fees were entirely paid by the Government. My family was financially broke following my mother’s death and other catastrophes in the family.  But I had to pay for everything as I was in the ‘forward” category.

As I walked with my roommates to lecture classes, shouts of “Rajyadrohi” (traitor) would be raised by a gang to ‘welcome’ my J&K friend. He was a Muslim, and on that account, also he faced further ragging.  Some called him 3/4th the full size. But one of the leaders of the ragging gang was also Muslim. He ordered to stop the insult based on my friend’s religion. But ‘rajyadrohi’ call continued with increased vigor. 

 In the hostel dining hall, my Dalit  friend used to be called by his caste name ‘parayan.’ He was accused of eating free (OC) at Government expense.

We made complaints to the principal and hostel warden. Counseling and warning took place, but the insults continued. 

I felt sad that even some of the staff members joined in making fun of new students like my roommates. The early 60s was the time when the war with China took place. Many people looked upon Muslims, especially from J&K, as India’s enemies and agents of  China and Pakistan.

My J&K friend wrote to his parents.  The place, people, language, and food were all different for this poor 17-year-old. His fear and suffering were so severe. His parents came, obtained TC, and took him back to Kashmir.  I have seen my friend shivering with fear. He used to come and sit near me sleepless; he did not eat for days or go to classes, or dining hall. I used to share my food with him. A lecturer was my uncle. That protected me from the ragging gang, and I could give a little protection to my roommates.

His parents were lower-middle-class people. He was the first in their family to complete High School and go for higher education. Their dreams were shattered.  He was an outstanding student in high school but failed in all class tests conducted in the two months’ time. 

The insults and humiliation suffered by my Dalit roommate were even worse. At one time, he said he is thinking of committing suicide.  I told this to my assistant warden. He was a man with a good sense. 

One evening, the warden asked my friend to make baskets out of bamboo sitting at the hostel’s entrance gate. He sat by his side, helping him by preparing the raw materials for weaving. When the gang came, he announced that anyone who can weave a basket as good as one made by my friend could make fun of him and call him nicknames. No one dared to come forward. Everyone understood the dignity of labor and the value of work. The ragging and discrimination ended on that day. 

I have lived in  India for 39 years and in America for 35 years. I have faced discrimination based on my color, ethnicity, and English accent in both countries. But I did not let myself suffer the pain of discrimination, due to, I am sure, my mother’s teachings and my well-nourished childhood. I did not care about any type of insult by anyone, as  I  knew wh I am.  None could harm my self-respect.I did not dislike those who insulted or discriminated against because I could distinguish evil from evildoer.

There are several incidents I witnessed. As we go on,  I will list a few that are relevant and help decide how to face this evil of racism and discrimination.

Self-respect

In 1986, while working for NYC Government, I was cross-examined in the court by the lawyer of a contractor whose payment I withheld as the work was substandard. Before I uttered even one word on the stand, he stated, “This is a new country for you. You have a problem with English. You should ask me to repeat when you don’t understand”. I requested the judge for permission to make a statement about this. I submitted that I have enough education in English to read, write, and speak. An accent is there for all, like; some have  Brooklyn accent some, Texas accent, etc. I objected to the lawyer’s reference to my national origin, asking questions that are not relevant and inappropriate. The judge immediately said that he clearly understood what I said and warned the lawyer. Later, the contractor who was also on stand sandwiched the “S” word in his sentences and said I am full of “S….”. I objected, suggested that he be referred to a doctor,  as the stuff, supposed to go out to the bottom is coming out through his mouth.  The lawyer and contractor did not speak anymore. The judge dismissed the case.

When there is no legal defense material or driven by fear of losing, people resort to discriminatory, derogatory, and abusive language.  But I refused to be cowed down when they used my national origin, color, accent, etc. to put me down. Later, The lawyer and the contractor apologized to me.

On another occasion, I was in a  building material store with James, my HVAC mech  (African American), searching for a matching component for the unit in my house. Obviously, on instructions from the manager, one store guy stood watching James. James secretly asked me to look all over and check if the store has put any other shopper on surveillance like him. I checked and found none.  He told me that only because he is black, he is a  suspect of shoplifting. At the counter, security wanted to inspect his winter coat pockets. James was also my friend. I vouch that he is a very decent and honest man. He told me that he is used to this treatment at many a place. James showed no hatred towards those who treat him like this.  He viewed them as under-grown personalities needing sympathy.

Racism is a state of mind. The root of racist feeling hand prejudice is the lack of self-respect and self-confidence that envelops a person with either a superiority or inferiority complex. An African American believing that his complexion is something inferior to that of a white person lacks self-respect and suffers an inferiority complex. A white person considering an African American a lesser being than him is also suffering from a complex.  He is using racism to cover up his lack of competence, skill, etc. 

Parents, Teachers, Religions, and Communities are responsible for seeding social and moral values in children; to teach self-respect and good citizenry. Instead, many of these elders inject complexes and prejudice into the minds of their children. As a result, these children become under- grown persons and racists. They discriminate against others besides suffering themselves with inferiority or superiority complex. Parents, especially mothers, are responsible for this. The role of teachers and peers in schools, priests, and elders in churches, temples, and mosques are also critical. 

If my Christian mother, instead of admonishing me for imitating the Hindu pilgrims, gave an approving look, I would have grown up believing that it is fine to ridicule and insult people of other faith. But our mothers belonging to different religions and castes sowed seeds of brotherhood in our minds. Nearly a dozen children learned a good social lesson on that day. 

Imagine what happens when; a  white mother warns her child to beware of black kids, a black mother teaches her child to hate whites, a  father takes his son to white supremest rally, a black activist tells a teenager in a protest rally to target whites; when  Muslims are ridiculed in RSS youth training camps, Muslim elders tell their children that all non-Muslims are khafirs and infidels.  Generalizing a group or community and assigning  ‘good’ or ‘bad’ label on its members is injustice. The children subjected to such ‘education’ are all getting infected with hate venom. Yes,  they will become evil players in racially divided communities and nations and spit the hate venom in a more enriched form. Some may find ‘solutions’ to what they understand as ‘evil’ and develop plans to subjugate or even kill  ‘opponents.’ 

Discriminating based on birth is a sin against God. It is insulting about his creation and nature.

Children who were fed with the segregation and discrimination venom multiply it over time. They may become white supremest, extremists, anarchists, religious fundamentalists, and even terrorists. They become, danger to society and threaten peace. 

 If People who got infected with hatred attain political influence and power or become administrators and managers in Government and corporations, or if they occupy positions in the religious hierarchy, the harm they can do to society is enormous. Hitler was such a person. Look carefully, and we can find many such people all around the world. Bin Laden was another.  In the last decade, such infected people have become very powerful in many countries, including America and India. So far, India and America are considered countries where democracy, freedom, and secularism flourish are now under threat of losing these values.

parents, religions, teachers, and communities need to change 

The roles played by institutions of faith to alleviate this divide based on race, color, etc. is truly disappointing. In many, a case religions are contributing to enrich the hate venom. The number one tragedy facing the world is that highly prejudiced “spiritual” leaders have hijacked religions like Christianity Islam Hinduism (Sanathana Dharma). They are now misusing democracy and freedom to impose societies’ people with hate and segregate them based on color, creed, religion,  caste, etc.  helping politicians without scruples to grab power.

Belief in a set of values and determination to practice those values in life is an essential requirement for the healthy and prosperous life of individuals, families, and societies. The seed of these values emanating from empathy and loving-kindness is a gift of creation embedded in every human being’s DNA. We nurse a tiny plant to grow out of heaps of dirt to fruition. Likewise, the seed of empathy and loving-kindness in a child needs nursing and loving care to thrive.  This growth process helps him come out of the heap of self-centeredness and become an emancipated human being.

Every life, animals, birds, and men included have a natural tendency to distinguish as ‘my type’ or ‘not my type’ when seeing another.  We humans whose value system is up and active rise above the selfish drive to distance with the ‘not my types.’  We identify them as our equals and extend a helping hand. Our values, empathy, and loving-kindness help us love and help another person who may be disabled, who may not be of our color, caste, religion, etc. As we learn and believe that all men are created equal, we will stop discriminating. That is the process of growing, controlling animal instincts, and becoming human.

Unfortunately, our parents, include teachers, social, political, and community leaders, have not been paying needed attention to help us grow with the value system in our minds. In many cases, inadvertently, though, parents teach us to segregate and divide. They tell stories from the past, of conflicts and fights between families,  tribes, castes, religions, groups, communities, and countries; how our forefathers suffered under their enemies; how bad others were and their children are; and how important it is to fight back.  They even distort history to flame up the fighting spirit in our children and us.

It is, of course, essential to learning history. It is crucial to know the cruelties and atrocities committed during wars,  communal conflicts, and tribal fights.  But the emphasis of such learning should be on how NOT to repeat those sins; on how to forgive and move forward—motivating to retaliate will result in inflaming the hatred up and carrying on the misery to future generations. Besides, such an action will create new victims, who are the innocent heirs of perpetrators of cruelty in the past. An unending chain of pain-hatred-revenge- and back to pain will result.

Founders of most religions have taught about the need to shed hatred. We should remember many of their followers who carried their message of peace and tolerance to the world with gratitude. But some of their followers have been virtually doing the opposite. 

Many Christian religious leaders have directly and indirectly encouraged hatred towards Jews. Sanatana dharma, the original form of Hinduism, teaches that all living beings are part of one cosmos and are equal before God. But some spiritual teachers corrupted it, introducing the birth-based caste system discriminating the human race into 4plus  caste categories one over the other. Such aberrations made the vast majority of citizens subhuman and slaves to the ‘upper’ castes. A section of ‘teachers’ of Islam, the religion of peace, is misguiding their followers and teaching them to kill ‘nonbelievers.’

Though such defectors and deceivers are only a minority, they have virtually hijacked and spoiled the real message of religions. It is like a fly in a jar of honey. The fly dies, and it ruins the whole honey. Result? Ordinary people, particularly the young, want to discard belief in God and faith.

How much care we take to feed only excellent and nutritious food for a newborn. Mother, father, and everyone connected take meticulous care to bring up the child as a fully grown, physically healthy adult. We prohibit children from eating anything unhealthy, wash, and again wash organically grown vegetables to avoid poison from insecticides. 

But think about their mental development and spiritual health. What kind of world view and life position they will have when they become adults?  Are we washing out the poison of hatred before feeding them with instructions and education on the values system to keep in life?

The young world today is starving for its ‘spiritual food.’ Religions, parents, and society are blocking their  God-given values of empathy, love, and compassion from growing. Elders contaminate them with prejudices and hatred. 

Children get confused due to conflict in their minds between their inborn sense of righteousness and logic and contradicting concepts taught and imposed by parents, teachers, and elders. 

Some of these young people who believe in the ‘infallibility’ of their elders, leave aside their freedom to think and analyze, and blindly follow distorted teachings. They arm themselves with prejudices and hatred and engage in fights with their’ enemies.’ They become fundamentalists, fanatics, and extremists. 

Some others question everything they heard and learned from elders. They end up doubting essential moral and social codes, question the existence of God, and indulge in a pleasure centered life. Unable to perform the minimum required contribution to sustain the society, they may turn to anti-social and criminal activities to financially support their luxury.

 A small percentage of youngsters develop an emancipated adult personality by ‘editing’ what they have learned from parents, teachers, and elders. What their parents teach them is compared with what they learn in school; they edit it further from various other sources and with their common sense; do not surrender their freedom to think. This editing process can happen at any age, but the teenage and youth years are most active.

I can illustrate this issue with personal experience. I had to learn a poem in primary school about Gandhi. It was such a touching poem that made Mahatma Gandhi enter my mind as a Godly man worthy of being worshipped and followed. When I came home, I made a big presentation about  Gandhi before the entire multigenerational family. When done, the eldest in my grandfatherly generation declared that Gandhi would not go to heaven, no matter how good he lived because he did not receive baptism as a Christian. No one dared to doubt or question the great grandfather. I was so upset and was in severe pain. I had a strong sense my grandfather was wrong. I  could not digest the logic of such a holy soul like Gandhi’s i being thrown into hell among snakes and worms to suffer eternal fire.  I went crying and bugging my mother for an answer and solution. The smart mother she was, she assured me that anything is possible for God, and He will find a way to take Gandhi into heaven.

As I grew up, I realized that it was the element of truth, call it the God gene, embedded in me that made me analyze the statement of the eldest person in my family and conclude that he was wrong. Every human being has this divine spark by birth. Realizing that is enlightenment. Applying it in life will make us emancipated adult persons capable of solving so many problems in life.

Racism and discrimination are only symptoms of a sick mind. Decease is in mind. When diagnosed with the decease properly, we can see that the root cause is the weak and little minds of people requiring treatment. 

Parents, teachers, religious communities, and social organizations should play critical roles in transforming people to become free of racism and discrimination.

Incidents of terrorism, anti-social activities, mass shootings, serial killing, etc. results in the arrest and punishment of those who committed the crime. But that is not enough. Conduct further investigation and research into the socio-political environment in which these “criminals” were born and brought up.

Parents, teachers, religions, and communities to which these ‘criminals’ belonged, also need corrective education. We need social ‘policing’ to inculcate a sense of brotherhood among the members of society. Help people to grow to a level to think and act with a life position “I am OK, you are OK”; to believe and feel that all men (and women) are created equal and deserve to be treated as such. Using Studies in theories of personal growth and the emancipation of human personality, it is possible to edit wrongly recorded messages in our childhood brains. Such social re-engineering should be tried in senior schools, colleges, workplaces, supervisory training sections, and (even) in prisons.

A society consisting of parents, teachers, religions, etc. that raised a child who ends up doing evil acts or committing a crime owes an apology to him; for failure to help him grow as a good citizen. 

A well respected Christian high priest told prisoners during a visit to jail, “we are also criminals like you. The only difference is that you are caught, but we are respected”. Though said as a joke, there surely is some truth in it. We need more and more parents, teachers, and leaders who accept their responsibility to raise children the right way.

Thank you for your time and comments. Let us think about what We can do about this EVIL of racism and discrimination. How can we Breathe together as brothers and sisters as WE THE PEOPLE .